Do You Know The Bible?

                                                          II Timothy 2:15

"Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth."

Here's are little funny takes on the Bible. These are actual answers given in response to the questions about the Bible, which were posted on the net. Believe it or not, not all answers came from kids!

1. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
    
2. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night.

3. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.

4. A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.

5. Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

6. Solomon had 100 wives and 700 porcupines.

7. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

*

A pastor told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you all understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark, chapter 17."

The following Sunday, as the pastor prepared to deliver his sermon, he asked for a show of hands, wanting to know how many people had read Mark 17. Almost every hand went up.

The pastor smiled and said, "Mark only has 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

*

A new pastor in Waxahachie, Texas, USA, spent the first four days making personal visits to each of his prospective congregation inviting them to come to his inaugural services.

The following Sunday the church was all but empty. Accordingly, the pastor placed a notice in the local newspapers, stating that, because the church was dead, it was everyone's duty to give it a decent Christian burial. The funeral would be held the following Sunday afternoon.

Morbidly curious, a large crowd turned out for the 'funeral'.

In front of the pulpit they saw a closed coffin which was covered in flowers. After the pastor had delivered the eulogy, he opened the coffin and invited his congregation to come forward and pay their final respects to their dead church.

Filled with curiosity as to what would represent the corpse of a dead church, all the people eagerly lined up to look in the coffin. Each mourner peeped into the coffin then quickly turned away with a guilty, sheepish look.

In the coffin, tilted at the correct angle, was a large mirror.

*

A fringe benefit of soul winning

Ten Little Christians

Romans 14:17-19

^"For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost. For he that in these things serveth Christ is acceptable to God, and approved of men. Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another."

There's nothing more disheartening in the church than to see divisions of any kind. It holds back the ministries and the work of the Holy Ghost. The only serious division should come from rightly dividing His word (II Tim. 2:15).

To be sure, every thing should be done in love. Christ told his disciples as much. In John 13:34-35, He said: "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another."

Also, consider I John 4:7-8:
"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love."

Please consider Scripture and the poem below. I know it got me to think about my words, actions and motives. May the Lord bless you richly.



Ten Little Christians
Ten Little Christians came to church all the time;
One fell out with the preacher, then there were nine.

Nine Little Christians stayed up late;
One overslept on Sunday, then there were eight.

Eight Little Christians on their way to Heaven;
One took the low road, then there were seven.

Seven Little Christians, chirping like chicks;
One didn't like the singing, then there were six.

Six Little Christians seemed very much alive;
One took a vacation, then there were five.

Five Little Christians pulling for Heaven’s shore;
One stopped to take a rest, then there were four.

Four Little Christians each as busy as a bee;
One had his feelings hurt, then there were three.

Three Little Christians couldn't decide what to do;
One couldn't have his way, then there were two.

Two Little Christians each won one more;
Now don't you see, two plus two equals four.

Four Little Christians worked early and late;
Each brought one, now there were eight.

Eight Little Christians if they double as before;
In just seven Sundays, we have one thousand twenty four.

In this jingle there is a lesson true;
You belong either to the Lord, or to the wrecking crew.

-Author Unknown